Audio version of this blog at the end of the post.
“Such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.”
Elrond
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Ring Goes South, The Fellowship of the Ring
Once upon a time, I found myself on a humungous mountain in the Scottish Highlands, that my companions dismissed as a mere hill, with a gentle incline.
Whilst I was scrambling desperately on all fours, my so called friends remained quite upright.
During this challenging climb, a wicked pharmacist from Grimsby bestowed upon me the nickname Gollum, poking fun at my relentless pursuit. The name struck a chord, with both myself and my unsupportive peers, representing a distinct and occasionally estranged part of my personality.
The nickname stuck like glue, taking on a life of its own. It became a symbol of one the my many facets of my personality, long before the Internal Family Systems therapeutic approach gained prominence.
The cautionary tale of Gollum, with his addictive nature and eventual downfall, along with the rich narrative of the characters in ‘The Lord of the Rings’, has always captivated me.
It’s all there for me really. Encompassing themes of good versus evil, sacrifice, the hero’s journey, purpose, friendship, loyalty, care, compassion, courage, creativity, redemption, forgiveness, honour, fun, beauty, magic, nature, the corruptive influence of power, hope, action, and the potential of collaboration in the face of darkness.
These core themes have resurfaced, as guiding forces during my ongoing “psychedelic bender” and exploration of the wider psychedelic space. They shed light on my relationship with the psychedelic experience, the potential therapeutic value of psychedelic substances, the mysterious space they unveil, and the diverse individuals who inhabit these realms, both within and beyond its boundaries.
My precious…
“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious.”
― J.R.R Tolkein
I’m slightly embarrassed when I think back to the early days, when I was first introduced to the idea that taking a psychedelic substance, with reverence and intention, in a safe & supported setting, has the potential to be a powerful, rewarding experience that can be a catalyst for positive change, deep connection, learning, unlearning, meaning, experience, inspiration, and much more.
Following my first experience of this kind, at a legal retreat centre in Holland. Multiple aspects of my life felt and looked completely different.
This was totally unexpected, as I believed I was fairly well-rounded, luckier than most and happier than many, before being gently invited to “go in.”
In the run up to the experience, a psychologist commented on my apparent happiness and positive outlook, during a pre-retreat data collection interview, that was part of the research study associated with the retreat. My anxiety scores were much higher then, yet I felt they were reasonable, given the state of the world, the challenges of being an adult with young twins, and the reality of doing a job that would make many people’s hair stand on end.
I had signed up for the experience out of curiosity and a love of altered states but ended up with much more than I could ever have imagined.
Now, I want to avoid using phrases like “It’s like twenty years of psychotherapy in a day” to describe my experience. However, for possibly the first time, I had an deep, experiential understanding of many of the themes I had encountered during my work and studies for a Masters Degree in Psychodynamic approaches and other therapeutic modalities such as CBT, ACT, and many other things ending in T. This left me with a strong conviction that these psychedelic tools and containers could potentially be far more beneficial than many of the currently, ineffective resources and approaches available to me and many others, working in the mental health field, at present.
So how does one, particularly one who would have described herself as a raving atheist, or Richard Dawkins’s twin sister, prior to the retreat, process such an event?
When so many of the things you believed to be true, seem to be completely turned on their head. When a contagious wellspring of wellbeing, energy, creativity, connection and reconnection explodes in your little body, mind and life.
I may come back to the Church of England primary school, associated religious trauma and atheism as a defensive response to exposing children to people you wouldn’t leave your dog with for seven hours a day in a later post but for now let’s concentrate on LOVE, LOVE, LOVE….
Well, I processed it by going head first into the greatest love affair of my life. I was full of it, totally sold, completely loved up, an absolute basket case. I was nothing short of unbearable. If you don’t believe me ask around.
Think ADHD restricted interest, on acid. I only had eyes for my new lover, Psilocybin and his mates. NOTHING was going to tear us apart now we’d finally, REALLY found each other after many years of more casual, but very fun hook ups. Who would have thought it? Hidden in plain sight, such a tease.
Some of you may recall a similar stage in your own psychedelic journey. When based on your own positive experiences and the surrounding hype, you had a slight tendency to overvalue the positive aspects of these experiences, whilst playing down or dismissing the more shadowy possibilities. Maybe over-egging the hash cakes and the potential role that psychedelics could have in this troubled world. Bingeing on Terence McKenna recordings and starting to entertain thoughts like “Everyone, including my parents, should do this” , “What if we put LSD in the water?” and “We need to give this to…………………. “, insert world leader of your choice. An idea that would fill many competent psychedelic sitters and psychonauts with total dread.
I was totally smitten, head over heels in love, giddy with excitement and hope. Lost down the rabbit hole of all rabbit holes, bathing in the glory of dopamine of tap.
On reflection, Gollum was probably quite present during this period, silently licking his chops, although he would have been hard to spot, being suitably disguised in Tye Dye, with flowers in his hair, stinking of incense and ignorance.
In Loves Executioner and other tales of Psychotherapy, renowned psychotherapist, Irvin Yalom speaks of how he hates to work with people who are in love. His words may be useful for any budding psychedelic integration coach or poor suffering friend or family member, who is trying to fathom what the fuck has happened to their client or loved one, who seems so radically altered since their recent trip to the Netherlands, the jungle, Glastonbury festival or the like.
“However varied the circumstances, the experience is the same—the lover idealises the beloved, is obsessed with her, often wishing nothing more than to spend the rest of his life basking in her presence.
To develop an empathic relationship with patients in love, you must not lose sight of the fact that their experience is quite wonderful; the ecstatic, blissful merger; the dissolving of the lonely “I” into the enchanted “we” may be one of the great experiences of the patients life. It is generally advisable to express your appreciation of their state of mind and to refrain from criticism of the golden feeling surrounding the beloved.”
Irvin Yalom
https://www.yalom.com/loves-executioner
Ahhhhh my precious, with all your associated magic, energy, beauty, travel, presence , connection, catharsis and sacredness. Almost EVERYTHING I could possibly want in the world, and a relationship. “The dissolving of the lonely I into the enchanted we’” indeed, “just the two of us, making castles in the sky.” The “music ” REALLY” does sound “better with you” my precious.
This made for one of the most profound, glorious and potentially terrifying periods of my life. As like Gollum, my obsession meant that I would have probably followed that bloody ring into the fires of Mount Doom, with my friends, family and children screaming from the sidelines.
Look out for the blog of my poor suffering husband, at some time in the future.
Alas, what goes up, must eventually come down, if only very occasionally.
Interestingly, I had the experience of purging Gollum into a catering size, white, plastic, mayonnaise bucket, during my inaugural purge, at my first Ayahuasca ceremony, during this very same period.
Ahhhh….. if only it was that easy my friends……. The mental health of the nation would be secured and Nurse Jo would the billionaire, superstar, Shawoman of her dreams.
Taxi for Nurse Jo
Luckily for me, I was not alone at this time. I had lots of support and guidance from people living and deceased, who are much wiser and more experienced than me. I was, and still am, tethered, within a network of mentors, peers, friends, family, historical figures and teachings. Like a helium ballon on a string, with the end of the line firmly secured at base camp.
Of course, nearly thirty years of mental health nursing practice, study of the mind, its vagaries, and numerous therapeutic approaches, also served me quite well during this time.
My ground control consists of some amazing examples of human beings. People who I love and respect deeply. Who I want to make proud and would hate to disappoint. People who have knowledge, skills values and behaviours that I admire and try to emulate and propagate through my own work and teachings. People who are nearly as funny as me, although with not as good hair or nails. People who I hope would not hesitate to reel me in, hold me to account, call me a rude name or two, or confiscate my stash, if necessary. Some of them can even spell, understand grammar and know how to use Instagram and other mysterious things.
These special relationships, in conjunction with experiencing lots of different types of medicines and medicine settings, have undoubtedly been my most valuable investment in the psychedelic space to date. I believe this web of experience and support has helped me to ride out the psychedelic honeymoon period and move onto developing a more balanced, mature and nuanced relationship with myself and these experiences. Whilst not chucking water on the psychedelic fire that now rages in my heart. Allowing me to hang on to much of the magic, allure and most of the possibility of these incredible tools.
Of course, I also did some slightly less skilful things during this period. Such as waste of thousands of pounds and lots of time and energy, on mostly online, psychedelic trainings, which on reflection added very little to my existing practice. These courses did teach me a great deal about some of the inherent difficulties in attempting to offer training within the psychedelic space. I also met some truly wonderful people, whom I now consider to be dear friends, so I hold fewer grudges now. Just a real appreciation for the difficulty of the task in hand and lots of ideas going forwards.
That said, I truly wish that instead of spending all that money on something that I wanted, was assured that I couldn’t live without, but didn’t really need. That I’d sent the money, anonymously, by taxi, to the wonderful, often uncelebrated, mentors, elders and teachers who have really helped and nurtured me and countless other people, through real relationship and the sharing of their considerable experience.
Apologies, if some of these good people are reading this now and thinking “Jo you complete idiot, yes you should have totally done that, I told you not to bother with Y & X”, insert expensive course name. I’m truly sorry, keep an eye out for that taxi on the horizon, at some point in the psychedelic future…..
Needless to say, that during my psychedelic bender and baptism of fire, I have been exposed to multiple experiences, settings, medicines, schools of thought, ways of doing things, varying levels of competence and incompetence, trainings, agendas, power struggles, boundary violations and general nonsense that have caused me to reflect both on my, and other peoples relationship to this psychedelic ring of power.
All the while, contemplating HOW and IF, we could even start to integrate these experiences more widely into western medicine and society. By teaching organisations, would be participants, practitioners and communities to use these tools safely, responsibly and brilliantly for the good of many.
So where do we start dear readers? From where I’m sitting, Nurse Jo and the western, psychedelic space appears to be a little confused at the moment.
All that glitters is not Gold
Of course, there has literally been a psychedelic gold rush of late, with so many new people wanting in on this ring making, wearing and bearing obsession. A frenzied craze to be adorned or adorn others, seemingly at any cost.
“Just do it” , “Be there or be square” “Once you pop, you can’t stop”, “Every little helps”, “Because YOU are worth it.”……
Thankfully, Lord Sauron seems to be doing a special “Buy now, pay later” scheme at this particular juncture of the so called “Psychedelic Renaissance”
The are of course a myriad of ring bearing and wearing possibilities for those who find themselves caught up in the furore.
Luckily, for some, if not all of us, Lord Sauron is trying to expand his reach within Middle Earth and is currently hiring.
There is undoubtedly a place in this space for everyone. Well not quite everyone. Come on, you didn’t really expect The Dark Lord to be an equal opportunities employer, did you?
So roll up, roll up, and throw your C.V.’s into the sorting hat, so we can get this shit show on the road.
No credentials, references, ring bearing or wearing experience, don’t let that stop you. After all, how hard could it be? Besides there is a war on.
Mount doom is currently recruiting for the following roles within it’s Psychedelic Space.
Product development and Innovation
We are looking for creatives to help us to give our tired rings a fresh, updated look. Making them fit for purpose for Middle-earth, as it goes to hell in a hand cart.
In recognition of the fact that many of these rings have been in existence and worn for eons, are relatively easy to cultivate or produce, are already widely available to the masses, potentially affecting future profit margins. We are seeking bold individuals to identify and procure the knowledge, materials, and resources related to these old technologies. Identifying gaps in the market & opportunities for differentiation, marketing and promotion.
Previous post holders have done ingenious things. Such as change some of the rings ever so slightly, whilst putting them in special edition boxes, leading to higher perceived values and intellectual property rights, vastly contributing to the war coffers.
Desirable experience – Experience in selling ice to Eskimos.
Social Media Influencers
For this remote position, we require multiple Trolls to lurk in social media sewers.
Presenting yourself as a caring, seeker of justice. You will draw attention to the dangers of ring wearing or bearing, in any circumstances or settings other than our own.
You will expose unscrupulous ring bearers, whilst telling people how you would most certainly use the ring, if only you could get off your laptop or phone.
You will closely monitor the emotional climate of Middle Earth and where necessary, profess the complete opposite opinion to your previous ones, in a relentless pursuit of the firm’s aims and objectives, whilst at the same time, contributing to your personal fortune, likes & followers.
If successful in this mission, many experienced and competent, ring bearing outsiders, who do not share our values and ambitions, will become disillusioned, and throw their dreams, towels and trinkets into the fires of Mount Doom, increasing our market dominance.
Essential requirements – Excellent I.T. skills, a thick skin, two faces, an absence of sleep issues, and the ability to turn on a sixpence.
Product Researchers
It has come to our attention that if you put the rings in the fire, they display strange writing. Of course, at this stage, we don’t really know what this means. After all, how could we? So we have decided to study the rings and their effects on ring wearers in more detail.
For this particular project, we will primarily be concentrating on the upper regions of the body, but don’t worry, we won’t be using OUR bodies. We are actively recruiting people who are unwell and potentially vulnerable as would-be participants.
Successful applicants will not be required to liaise with subject experts outside of the institution.
Essential requirements – A head for figures and attention to certain details.
Security Officers
We are looking for experienced gatekeepers of cure to ensure that only certain people, of our choosing, have access to these rings of power.
Full training will be provided.
Our strict door policy is largely based on arbitrary guidelines, theoretical risks, guess work and lack of direct experience but better sad than sorry.
Working closely with the Social Media Department to exaggerate the risks of ring wearing. You will ensure that if their name is not down, they are not coming in.
Human Resources Manager
In this powerful role, as our Human Resources manager, you will promote your own agendas and pet theories within and outside of the organisation.
Doing your bit for the environment, avoiding wasted training, time and money, by recycling old theories, squeezing them into this new arena.
You will be responsible for ensuring that ring-bearing is only done by people who you deem to be suitable experts. Avoiding the risk that mere mortals with big hearts and basic training turn the psychedelic renaissance into an even bigger shit show.
You will be expected to primarily offer jobs to the boys.
Desirable requirements – the ability to use a shoehorn and preach to to the choir
Head of External Training
For this lucrative, mostly online role. We are seeking those that can’t, to teach, or else bring in other people, from outside organisations, who can teach. To educate enthusiastic ring wearers, and those who are yet to wear the ring, about some aspects of ring bearing.
You will fiercely protect the delusions of many of our students, who hope to be able to obtain, paid, ring-bearing roles, in the future, that unfortunately currently don’t exist for most, and may not be suitable for them even if they did.
You will be an expert in the signalling of virtues and promote ways of working with diverse populations that as yet, we haven’t actually got around to working with.
Essential requirement – Must have a poetic licence and excellent Wi-Fi.
Desired – Sales & marketing experience
Ok, I’m sorry, if I, or this is too much, or a bit close to home for you.
I think we’ve established that I can be a bit of an all or nothing kind of gal. Blame Gollum, Florence Nightingale or my ADHD, just not me…..
It is not actually my intention to offend by presenting these extreme caricatures. Instead I’m hoping we can have a bit of fun together, whilst exploring if there is any space, in the space to think about if there are any better, more skilful, more inclusive and less harmful ways of doing things.
As a mental health nurse, who is of course acutely aware of the high levels of suffering and suicide rates in western society. My primary concern is the many who could so desperately do with a chance to wear the ring, if only for a day or two a year, to help them cope with considerable physical and or mental angst.
Some of these people are well aware of some of the positive research findings and anecdotal evidence about the ring. Yet at the moment, they seemingly have no legal way in. They can only press their sad faces against the glass of a closed jewellery shop.
Many have modest expectations of what such an experience could offer them and they are fairly certain, that given half a chance, they would like to try wearing the ring. Feeling that the amount of risk, compared to what they are going through on a daily basis, is negligible and that it would certainly be worth a try.
I imagine the majority of them would love to wear the ring with the support of a trusted person, who is familiar with the territory and whose main agenda is to be supportive, keep them safe and care very deeply.
Some of these poor people, like Firefighters, Police Officers, Doctors, Nurses and other frontline workers, are unwell as a direct result of the impact of their working life of service to others. It is of course a travesty and a blot on society that we do not honour these people’s contributions, by making sure they have the resources to do their work at it’s highest expression, giving them job satisfaction and self esteem, in the absence of fair financial exchange. We are also seemingly unable or unwilling to expedite access to potential novel treatments when they fall sick.
It is my sense that many of these people are unlikely to require a rigid protocol, a team of highly trained professionals, a specialist clinic, hospital setting, or the like. In fact, I suggest that these things could be potentially damaging for certain individuals. I suspect that many, would possibly be best served in a group setting, within the community. Using multi modal, flexible approaches, rooted in person centred care and an ongoing community of support.
Much of this has led me to re-state most of what I expressed during my 2023 Breaking Convention Talk, with even more conviction. Namely, that supported psychedelic experiences & training, for many, is likely to be best contained and supported within multidisciplinary groups. With an emphasis on community, relationship, learning through experience, reflective practice and care.
The bottom line seems to be, that at the moment, many of us simply can’t be trusted. Ring bearing on our own, or with people who look, think and act too much like us, runs the real risk that we will harm people and fuck it all up again.
Nurse Jo, exit stage left
Introducing the Fellowship of Psychonauts
Fellowship
- 1. friendly association, especially with people who share one’s interests. “they valued fun and good fellowship as the cement of the community”
- 2. the status of a fellow of a college or society.”a fellowship in mathematics”
- a group of people meeting to pursue a shared interest or aim.
- a guild or corporation.
Oxford dictionary
A mental health nurse, an occultist, artist, and author, a psychotherapist, a coaching psychologist, and a medicine woman walk into an immersive, psychedelic training container and attempt to create an offering that is greater, safer, cooler, and more fun than the sum of their individual parts, and the Fellowship of Psychonauts is born.
Driven by a deep desire to promote psychedelic experiences that are grounded in care, community, diversity, and the pursuit of excellence. These creative explorers welcome in new members of the Fellowship, to deepen their existing relationship with the psychedelic experience, and learn in the ways that suit them best – namely, in relationship, through experience, and social learning opportunities.
They are later joined on their mission by many others, including more nurses, psychotherapists, and authors, along with social workers, midwives, photographers, psychiatrists, celebrants, hypnotherapists, art therapists, integrative counsellors, musicians, property developers, business men and women, accountants, psychologists, learning designers. I.T. consultants, horticulturists and many more.
They embark on a person and group centred journey of learning and connection. Where each member is known personally, supported, and encouraged to explore and develop their individual strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, and position within their current medicine journey and the wider psychedelic space.
They are provided with guidance, friendship, support, encouragement, opportunities to work together, practice new skills under supervision, and obtain knowledge from multiple perspectives. Where no “right way” is put forward, although common values and intentions are explored, to promote value-based ethical practice.
Members at all levels of the Fellowship are encouraged to contribute their existing and developing gifts to the ongoing learning and shared aims of the whole group, including the founding members, who are also learning from each other and the participants in equal measure.
Members are encouraged to “Get in where they fit in” a phrase borrowed from the most inspirational Darren Springer. All roles within the psychedelic space and infrastructure are welcomed and celebrated. Potentially reducing risk and supporting the development of the wider community going forwards.
A community of practice and service that is so much more than a course and the experience of taking drugs aka medicine.
Damn it! I could have put that money in a taxi and sent it back to myself……
Check out Darren’s Springer’s work below, including his amazing mushroom cultivation courses.
New Beginnings
So maybe this Fellowship isn’t quite as important or dramatic as the Fellowship of the Rings, but it is important to us. We believe it is a shift from business as usual, and for many of us, it serves as an antidote to some of the crap we currently observe in the psychedelic space. Crap that, if we aren’t careful, will take the shine off our precious treasure.
So what is my role in the Fellowship?
Well I really wanted to be a majestic, beautiful Elf, like Galadriel or Arwen, or a powerful wizard like Gandalf, but I guess I’ll have to leave that to some of the other, amazing, more ethereal and magical, Fellowship of Psychonauts co-facilitators and participants.
When Gollum is having a day off, I guess my role is more akin to a bloody Hobbit. You know, the short, dumpy ones with big, hairy feet?
But in all seriousness, I do believe that nurses and Hobbits often have some shared values that make them ideally suited to avoid the corrupting power of the ring. If you don’t believe me, ask Chat GPT
Nurses and hobbits share several values, despite belonging to different worlds:
- Compassion: Both nurses and hobbits display a deep sense of compassion. Nurses are dedicated to caring for and helping others in times of illness or injury, while hobbits show kindness and concern for the well-being of their friends and neighbors. Their shared value of compassion drives them to provide comfort and support to those in need.
- Service: Nurses and hobbits are committed to serving others. Nurses devote themselves to the well-being of their patients, often going above and beyond to ensure their care. Similarly, hobbits value community and are willing to put the needs of others before their own. They engage in acts of service to maintain the harmony and happiness of their society.
- Resilience: Both nurses and hobbits demonstrate resilience in the face of challenges. Nurses often work long hours, face emotionally demanding situations, and navigate complex healthcare systems. Likewise, hobbits endure hardships and dangers during their adventures, displaying inner strength and determination. Their shared value of resilience helps them overcome obstacles and continue their important work.
- Teamwork: Nurses and hobbits understand the importance of teamwork. Nurses collaborate with other healthcare professionals to provide comprehensive care to their patients. Hobbits rely on each other’s skills and strengths to accomplish tasks and overcome obstacles. Both value the power of collective effort and recognize that working together yields better outcomes.
- Integrity: Nurses and hobbits value integrity and ethical behavior. Nurses adhere to a strict code of ethics, ensuring that they provide care with honesty, fairness, and respect for patient autonomy. Hobbits, too, hold themselves to high moral standards, acting with integrity and honesty in their interactions with others. Their shared value of integrity fosters trust and promotes a sense of responsibility in their respective roles.
While hobbits may not possess the same physical or magical prowess as other races, their humility, lack of ambition, and inner strength make them uniquely suited to resist the ring’s corrupting power. It is their unassuming nature and steadfast resolve that ultimately enable them to carry the burden of the ring.
Chat GPT
As well as displaying skills, values and practices that make many nurses uniquely placed to inform and support psychedelic work. Experienced nurses are also often accomplished systems thinkers and expert coordinators of care, with all the associated people and processes involved in delivering it.
During a recent psychedelic retreat in the Netherlands, a wonderful participant, also from a mental health nursing background, who granted, was pretty high, towards the end of a very profound group medicine experience, exclaimed excitedly, whilst giving me one of the best hugs that I’ve had this year,
“This really is the most exquisitely curated psychiatric ward I’ve ever seen.”
You’d better believe it, my dear!
Following the retreat, whilst I believe, attempting to compliment my nursing-informed, conducting, and leadership skills. A dear mentor said, “You are an excellent leader,” quickly followed by, “A leader doesn’t necessarily need to be the cleverest in the group.”
Did you REALLY mean to say that out loud my friend?
It’s ok, I still love you, just not quite as much as before……
So I know what you are thinking. Are you paying this bloke? Would you like to meet my mentor etc? Don’t worry, he is a keeper. To be fair, his wider point was actually that the leader does not necessarily need to be ‘the best’ at anything because that’s not their role. Rather that a leader is often the curator of the process; they gather the right team around them and support them to shine, to accomplish the project successfully. The leader is often the person around whom a community forms.
I guess that’s a bit like what the Hobbits did and many seniors nurses do all the time, so I’ll let him off, just this once….
And of course, I don’t need to be the cleverest, just the FUNNIEST and most PERSISTENT…..
Check out my website or find me on Instagram ( link below) for details of the upcoming, Fellowship of Psychonauts, “Ceremony for Psychonauts” Retreat, with associated six month container.
https://nursejo.co.uk/nursejo%40mothershouse
Link below to the audio version of this blog, hosted on the ‘Nurse Jo, in Relationship’ Podcast.
Who Cares? With Nurse Jo 