Frodo: ‘I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.’
Gandalf: ‘So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides that of evil

J.R.R. Tolkien , The Lord of the Rings

On 14th April 1912, Wallace Hartley, bandleader on the fated first and final voyage of the Titanic, lead his band to play on the deck of the sinking ship, in an attempt to keep the passengers calm, whilst not enough of them were loaded into lifeboats. Many of the survivors reported the band played until the very end, eventually going down with the ship.

The title of the last song to be played is uncertain, although many suspect it may have been “Nearer, My God, to Thee.” It is reported that 30-40,000 people lined Wallace’s funeral procession, in recognition of this real hero’s journey.

This story touches me on many levels. Of course, it was an exquisite piece of space holding. Using the only things available to him, namely his instruments, team members, outstanding values, skills, attitude and his knowledge of the profound medicine of music, Wallace curated the ultimate playlist to end all playlists, in an attempt to regulate the nervous systems of the terrified people in the crew’s care.  One can only imagine how the band member’s stoicism in the face of death may have been a comfort to many. When faced with disaster, Wallace and his colleagues, stepped upped and put service to others above their own fears & needs. 

Most of us can only imagine such a heroic act of bravery but we could ask ourselves, “What am I doing and what could I do with my limited time on earth?” As a 47 year old woman, I increasingly reflect on this question, often asking my mentor, other advisors and the medicine ” What should I do?” All of these sages, being infinitely wiser than me, seldom give me a straight answer, instead offering cryptic clues, such as “Move towards pleasurable sensation”, which isn’t as hedonistic as it initially sounds. 

Whilst trying to evaluate if what I am presently doing meets the criteria of the first suggestion, or not, or if what I am engaged in could actually be making me a bit too frustrated, sad or sick, another wise soul says things such as “The world is full of poison chalices and the trick is to decide which ones you are going to drink from and how much…. “ 

Thanks guys…… don’t call me, I’ll call you……

But seriously, I’m well aware that when contemplating a question such as this, we often have the different levels of what

We THINK we are doing,

What we SAY we are doing and

What we are REALLY doing

Of course, these things can be very different.

I like to THINK that as potential tools of learning, my relationship with psychedelic experience has helped me to see some things from different , multiple vantage points and allowed me to loosen some previously held beliefs. Becoming unstuck like this occasionally gives me the possibility to reimagine aspects of myself, my life and to attempt to set a different course.

So what do I THINK I am doing? 

I THINK I am trying to set out an approach to psychedelic sitting that is based in the 7 C’s of nursing, namely Care, Compassion, Competence, Communication, Courage, Commitment and Consistency. I would probably add an extra C for Ceremony and maybe even another one for Common Sense…….

I THINK I am trying to reduce harms within the psychedelic space by inspiring and supporting some people who may be “good enough” sitters to do so.

I THINK I may be encouraging some existing psychedelic practitioners, who are already sitting for others, to reflect on their current beliefs and practices, to see if they are actually working for both them and their participants and if everything they have previously been told & taught is useful.

I THINK I am helping my own participants and other people to access psychedelic experience in a way that is as safe, informed, meaningful and as positive as possible. 

I THINK I am trying to learn from my own, direct experience and to try to be a bit better than I was yesterday.

In terms of wider aims. Am I going to change the troubled world for the better by dishing out drugs? Am I trying to single handedly address the mental health issues of the nation? Am I a light worker, connected to source, vibrating at a higher frequency than most? Am I doing anything that many other people couldn’t do with the right support, experience, interest and the same desire to care? I very much doubt it. Besides, when I see all the terrible things that are currently happening in the world, I wonder if I too am just playing the violin on the Titanic. If so, I guess I’m ok with that, I can think of worse things to do with my time……